Cheating or Not? Where Do You Draw The Line

Pad Wives Assemble: What Counts as Cheating?

This week, we’re joined by expert Emily Caddy from Start Point Relationship Counseling to gain valuable insight into the tricky topic and slightly controversial subject: What actually counts as cheating?

We’ve all heard the classic rule—if you’re dipping your wick elsewhere, it’s cheating. But what about emotional affairs? What about watching porn? What about OnlyFans?

The Gray Areas of Cheating

Let’s be real—there’s the obvious cheating (full-blown affairs, secret rendezvous, etc.), and then there’s the murkyterritory where personal boundaries come into play. Some of you told us that cheating isn’t just physical—it’s also about emotional connections, secrecy, and intent.

One listener put it perfectly: “Anytime you intentionally make an effort to pursue someone else—whether it’s online, texting, or in person—that’s cheating.” And honestly? If you’re actively hiding something from your partner, why are you hiding it?

Is Watching Porn Cheating?

Ooooh, this one got heated in our messages! Some of you couldn’t care less if your partner watches porn. Others felt it was a massive betrayal. And then there’s the VR porn debate—if your partner’s actively involved in a simulation, does that cross the line? We saw some wild stories about people in full VR setups, having entire… ahem… moments with imaginary partners.

We personally don’t think porn is cheating, but we totally get why some people do. Boundaries are personal, and if something makes you uncomfortable in your relationship, that’s completely valid.

OnlyFans: A New Kind of Infidelity?

Now, OnlyFans is a different beast. Unlike scrolling through generic videos on a free site, OnlyFans is personal. You’re picking a real person, paying them, and in many cases, interacting with them. Some creators even offer ‘girlfriend experiences’ where they send personalized messages and content.

That feels different, right? It’s one thing to watch an anonymous video, but paying someone for their time and attention? That hits differently for a lot of people. One of you said, “If you’re going out of your way to pay for someone specific when Pornhub is free, what does that say?” And honestly, fair point.

Lying About Colleagues = Red Flag?

Another common theme in our messages was secrecy—specifically, hiding interactions with colleagues. If you’re lying about who you’re talking to, is it because you’re doing something wrong? Or is it just an innocent omission? Hard to say, but as one listener put it: “If you’re hiding it, you know it’s wrong.”

The Emotional Affair Debate

Now, for the big one: is an emotional affair worse than a physical one?

Some of you said a drunken one-night stand would be easier to forgive than a partner emotionally investing in someone else. If your partner is confiding in another person, sharing things they don’t share with you, and forming a deep connection—does that sting more than a physical betrayal?

Can Relationships Survive Cheating?

We saw a huge split in responses on this. Some of you said cheating is a hard no—once the trust is gone, it’s gone. Others said they’d consider working through it, depending on the circumstances.

And let’s be honest—it’s easy to scream “dump them!” from the outside, but when it’s your actual life, emotions, and history involved? It’s not so black and white. People cheat for a million reasons, and while it’s never okay, some couples do find a way to rebuild after betrayal.

The Wildest Story We Heard

Okay, we HAVE to share this one because it’s straight out of a soap opera.

A woman running a legal brothel (yes, those apparently exist) had a regular client—a married man who came in every Friday. Why? Because he still loved his wife but felt their intimacy was gone. Fast forward a bit, and she hires a new worker—a married woman who could only work Mondays.

GUESS WHAT?

The husband and wife were both secretly going to the same brothel, on different days, totally unaware of each other. The brothel owner figured it out but never let them cross paths. How wild is that?! Instead of talking to each other about their issues, they both went outside the marriage… and to the same place.

Final Thoughts: It’s Personal

At the end of the day, cheating is about boundaries and communication. Every relationship is different, and what one couple finds unacceptable, another might not care about. The key takeaway? If you’re hiding something, ask yourself why. If your partner expresses discomfort about something, listen. And if you’re unhappy in your relationship, communicate before you do something that can’t be undone.

We’d LOVE to hear your thoughts on this. What do you personally consider cheating? Let’s keep the conversation going on our socials!

If this episode has made you want to explore this topic further or gain a little more support, you can find Emily online at:

Instagram: ⁠@sp_relationshipcounselling⁠

Website: ⁠www.startpointcounselling.com

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